I Have Felt So Disconnected From Myself
It’s officially July. Here’s something I want to remind you:
If you’re looking at the first half of the year, and you’re ruminating over where you’re finding yourself right now, but you’re starting to feel like you “haven’t done enough” because “others are moving forward” and “you’re feeling far behind”, remind yourself that 1) It’s okay to take your time, but also 2) where you’re at right now is right where you are supposed to be. If you were supposed to be anywhere else, you’d already be there.
None of us grow the same way or at the same pace and nobody has it figured out all the time. So be patient with yourself if things are take a little more time this year.
AND IF YOU NEED THIS...
Here’s a quick nervous system reset.
Ready?
3
2
1
~ INHALE ~
…and when you exhale, close your eyes, make it long and slow, and let that sh*t go.
Right now, most days that intentional breath is all I can manage to do consistently, and it’s those tiny moments of quick little pauses and resets that are keeping me going.
Things have felt heavy.
Just about to be 3 months into this two under two deal and it’s been a lot, on top of already finding my relationship and marriage in a place it’s never been before.
I told a friend the other day that my husband and I are still stuck in this rough patch we’ve been navigating since my son started transitioning to the toddler stage around 18 months. He’s turning 2 at the end of July. I told her that having kids really brings unhealed parts of you to the surface, so it’s all new territory to navigate. Right now we’re having more bad days than good, but we know this is a season that will pass and we are working to remain a team so we can find our way through it.
I’ve haven’t been so “on edge” for such extended periods of time in a long time. My nervous system feels overworked. I’ve also never in my life forgotten about so. many. things on the calendar…my original 6 week pp appointment, the timed entry opening to secure a day for RMNP, a chiro appointment, triple booking myself with two different appointments and a meeting all at the same time, my daughter’s original 2 month appointment, my dog’s flea and tick meds…even though every single one of those calendar items had reminder notifications set 😅
I’ve felt so disconnected from myself. A lot of “out of body experiences” where I feel loopy, can’t think straight, and energetically feel completely depleted, and like my body is filled with a ton of bricks…and almost like a sense of “hope lost” tacked onto that.
Honestly, the last time I felt this way was during the early stages of PTSD when it got REALLY bad. Hypervigilance was a daily norm for me. Right now, that fight or flight response is constant. I was telling a friend the other day that the only time I get a true decent break during my day is when I go for my walk. Because it means both kids are strapped in the stroller, I know they’re not going anywhere, I know I’m with them, I know no one is going to be getting into anything they shouldn’t be that can harm them, and I can shut my nervous system down (for lack of a better way of putting it) for about 30 minutes.
….this is making me partly wonder and partly realize that maayyybbbeeee being in this constant heightened state is what has been activating recent flashbacks I’ve been having lately, even though what I’m going through right now has nothing to do with my past trauma….idk.
I wish I could say my toddler’s nap was a break too, like it used to be, but now it’s just one-on-one time with the baby meeting her needs.
Anyway, I know everyone is going through something. Everyone is facing their own mountain. So come step outside with me and let’s take a huge deep breath together. Don’t take this moment for granted because this might be the only little reset we can get today.
You with me?
On a different note, I also want to let you in on some ideas I’m toying around with as I plan my full return back to work.
As I’m working through a postpartum core rehab program and getting my body back to a place where I can do more things again (like getting active with my kids, hiking, bouldering, paddleboarding, etc.), I’m realizing I want to shift the focus of the work I take my private community through. So for example, instead of keeping it more surface level with just getting movement in, I’m thinking of helping people get specific movement in that helps their bodies get in a better place for anything they do in daily life, regardless of age, while setting them up for gaining more confidence to play around outdoors more and maybe attempt activities they’ve never done but have always wanted to do.
So I also want to invite you, whether you’re brand new to outdoor recreation, or you’re like me coming off of some type of injury/recovery situation, or maybe you want to “age backwards” and get back to things you loved doing before feeling limited by an aging body, this will be for you.
At a super high level, that means:
– workouts focused on rehab/physical therapy/mobility/stability/joint health/strength and endure training work
– ways to fuel your body with food that will support all the different activities you might want to get into outdoors (running, hiking, rock climbing, paddle boarding, white water rafting, skiing, snowboarding, etc.)
– providing tips for beginners (and refreshers for enthusiasts) getting into outdoor spaces
– and ways we can utilize the natural spaces we’re in to reground, recenter, and work on confidence building and overcoming fears or limiting beliefs we have when we find ourselves, let’s say on a hike, doubting our ability to keep going or even finish.
If that’s something of interest to you, fill this super quick form out and I’ll get in touch with you with more details!
I’m planning my return for August with this work starting then.